The Physics of Diablo
by Wilson Hill
Summary: Can the champions of Sanctuary learn to deal with the strange laws of physics that exist in the world of Diablo?


It is a strange world, in the land of Sanctuary. It is a land where many of the things we expect to happen in our realm are unheard of. A land of spells, curses, auras, portals, demons, rouge angels, and that's just the plot line. Then come the purely strange things, where it is required that you spin an item when dropping it. Where you may never form any kind of attack while in a village. Where the only penalty of death is in gold, and you may afterwards confront your own corpse. Brought forth into this realm is a group of seven warriors, who must now try to understand both the physics of their surroundings and each other. Will they be able to put aside their differences, and unite to fight as one? Will they learn to cope with the bizarre laws of nature? Will they be able to overcome the vast holes in the plot? Will Cain be plated by Sean Connery in the movie version of the game?

_____

"Gaa!" yelped Warriv as a group of individuals appeared out of thin air around him. "Where did you all come from?" he asked, staring around himself.

"Uh..." said a dark skinned man in green pants, looking at his comrades. 

"I think...no wait, that can't be right..." said an extremely pale individual, scratching his stark white hair.

"We...we don't know," explained an olive skinned beauty. Her fingers tapped against her staff uncertainly. There was a low murmur as many of the individuals tried to figure out how they appeared in this place and why.

"Most people just come in through the gate," replied Warriv, catching his breath. 

"Where would the gate be?" asked a young blond woman.

"Er," replied Warriv, and began walking around and looking into the distance. "Ah, it's on the Eastern side of town today."

"Today?" asked a huge, muscle bound man.

"Yes, it changes daily. Were still not sure why," said Warriv, shrugging. "Hey, who are you people anyway?"

"I am a Paladin of the Church of Zakarum," began the dark skinned man with the notable pants.

"Well met, good paladin!" Warriv exclaimed, babbling on as he gripped the paladin's hand with both of his own, shaking it vigorously. The paladin decided, after a few moments, that it was necessary to disengage himself. "But what is your name?" asked Warriv, rubbing his thumb where it had been bent back.

"I am..." the paladin began.

"...A tremendous dork," finished the pale individual, his torso exposed beneath his unfastened leather vest. The paladin flashed a glare at the source of the out burst, then opened his mouth to speak again before being interrupted once more. "His name's Cammie." The paladin whirled around.

"My name is NOT Cammie, it's Conway!" he barked. The pale man just smirked, as if he didn't believe him.

"And I am Alisha, sorceress in training," the olive skinned woman spoke up, hoping to steer the conversation away from conflict before a fight broke out.

"Sarah, amazon and master with bow and spear," nodded the shapely blond woman, casually.

"Grunt," said the huge muscleman. 

"Pardon you, said Warriv.

"No, that is my name. I am Grunt, Forger Of Overwhelming Leaps!" he declared loudly.

"So then, your informing us of the fact that you're a F.O.O.L.?" asked the pale skinned individual.

Grunt looked at him in confusion, then his mouth dropped open. Then it snapped shut again. Then he said "I must think of a new title..."

"So then, you're a great leaper?" asked Warriv.

"Oh yes, very great!" confirmed Grunt.

"How about showing me how far you can jump?" requested Warriv, spreading an arm to his side to indicate a clear stretch of ground.

"Not in town," replied the barbarian harshly.

"Oh come now, I'm sure the rogues won't mind terribly if you just did a little hop," chided Warriv.

"No, seriously, I can't in town..." informed Grunt looking around himself nervously. "I don't know what it is, but whenever I try, I just...can't." Warriv raised an eyebrow.…

"I am called Steven, the druid. I have partial power over animals, plants, and the elements," informed a tall individual with a ponytail.

"And I am also the resident tree hugger," muttered the necromancer, doing a cruel impression of the druids voice.

"My code name is Raven, and I have, various mechanical and martial skills," said a pale girl in a form fitting leather outfit. 

"And I...," began the pale skinned man, after deciding that there had been enough time to heft in a weighty introduction. "...am the master of the undead and the summoner of beasts from the very earth itself. I have the power to turn fate against you and leave you confused, hallucinating, blind, or even worse. I am the greatest of the necromancers," at this there was a loud snort from the paladin, "and shall become even more powerful still. I am,"

"Standing in a pile of dung," informed the amazon. During his speech, one of the necromancer's more elaborate moves had put him standing in a large cow pie.

"Ah shuddap!" the necromancer spat at her, then turned to Warriv and said, "The name's Larry." He quickly went about cleaning his boot with his bone wand.

"What is this place?" asked Alisha, looking around. "What are you all doing here?"

"The rogues who control the path to the East have been forced out of their monastery, and have set up a temporary safe guard in this place. Me and my caravan are stuck here until the evil that has filled the surrounding country side is vanquished."

"Perhaps we should strike down the unholy force that holds these people at this encampment," said the paladin, stroking his chin. 

"Or maybe you can bite me. I'm not striking anything anywhere unless I get something for it," Larry stated.

"If we don't, we're stuck here," the sorceress informed, looking around at the rag-tag huts that had been setup.

"All I can offer you is a ride to the East if you open up the gates to it," chipped in Warriv, "but the others can offer you more glamorous prizes, I'm sure.

"Come, anyone for adventuring out, follow me!" called the paladin, and began jogging towards the gate. The others shrugged at each other and followed, the necromancer grumbling slightly.

The group was outside the encampment, looking for a fight. They soon came upon a pair of slow moving individuals, accompanied by what looked like a spiked rat. 

"Excuse me," called out the paladin. "Have you seen any evil doers around?" One of the men turned slowly to look at the paladin, his flesh half rotted from his face. 

"Um, Cammie?" said the necromancer, somewhat nervously. The paladin turned to look at him, annoyed.

"It's Conway, and what?"

"Those are zombies," informed Larry, pointing at the partially decomposed people. 

"Don't be ridiculous, they're just...er...special, that's all. It's no reason to treat them as if they..." the paladin began to say, before one of the zombies swung a fist at him and connected with the back of his head while he was still turned.

The paladin was knocked to the ground, as the zombie that had swung at him grumbled "Brains..." loudly. He didn't have much time to add to that thought, however, as the amazon's javelin hurled through the air and sunk into his chest. The barbarian quickly came up and swung at the second zombie as hard as he could, knocking him back into the first, causing them both to fall to the ground, to rise no more. Grunt was about to aid the paladin in getting up, but he suddenly had a long thorn in his arm. The quill rat that he had paid no mind to had launched it. It was soon alight, as the sorceress saw the source of the spine. She sent another fireball at the pair of zombies to help prevent them from getting up.

The paladin climbed to his feet, turned to the necromancer, and said, "All right, so they're zombies." Larry nodded appreciatively.

"Not only that, but I may now take advantage of my necromantic powers and use one of these corpses to my advantage!" cried Larry, waving his rather smelly bone wand at one of the zombies. As he spoke, the flesh and muscle pulled away from the bones, and a bare skeleton stood up.

"Very nice, Larry," said Conway, stepping towards the skeleton. "I wonder where the hand axe came from?" At that moment, the skeleton lifted the axe of mysterious origin and swung at the paladin. He ducked, then swung upwards with his own sword, popping the skull and arm up and off the shoulders of the skeleton. "For crying out snot, next time you resurrect something, make sure to add in LOYALTY!" barked the paladin to the necromancer as the skeleton crashed to the ground. 

"It was loyal, but only to me," said the necromancer in a very smarmy tone. 

"Send another undead after me and I'll turn YOU into a corpse," snapped the paladin, quickly resting the point of his sword against the necromancers throat.

"Oh fine, this next one will play nice," sighed Larry, knocking the sword away with his bone wand and attempted to repeat the process with the other zombie. However, his aim was flawed, and he instead summoned the skeleton from the quill rat that lay smoldering. They all watched in mute horror as a full sized human skeleton sprang up from the remains of the rodent.

"What the heck was that?" demanded the druid, waving an arm at the skeletons feet, which were still standing in its former entrails.

"A resurrection, you saw the last one, didn't you?" asked the necromancer.

"Yes, but where did all the extra bones come from?" Steve persisted.

"Heck if I know," Larry shrugged, and turned away. The paladin watched the skeleton closely for 

second, then seeing that it wasn't going to pull any evil moves, decided to relax. 

"I think we should stick together, we'll be better able to defend ourselves if we stay in a group," the paladin offered to everyone else.

"You weaklings can stick together if you want, me, I'll raise my own group," said the necromancer. Then, without another word, he started sprinting towards another beast.

"It is not within my mission parameters to form alliances with those outside of protocol. Sorry guys," said the assassin, who then jogged off as well.

"A druid must learn to connect with nature in peace and spirituality, and I'm afraid company would only form cluttering in the mind. I must leave you, now," Steve informed them, then walked off in yet another direction.

"Listen, I'm a mostly long range fighter, and with other people close up to the enemy...it just wouldn't be safe for them. It would be better if I just left," said the amazon sadly, turning to leave.

"Hey, wait up, I'll come with you. I'm long range too," said the sorceress, following her.

The paladin sighed, and looked over at the only one left, the huge muscled barbarian. "And you?" he asked, after a slight pause.

"I..." the huge Norseman paused to think. "I will journey with you," he said at last. The paladin sighed in relief, and they walked off together, weapons drawn. 

______

And so the seven warriors journeyed on, each developing their own abilities, becoming stronger, for the next several minutes. But the land of the Blood More is only so large, and the five groups stayed somewhat close to one another, sometimes catching glances of each other running to attack another beast. They all had trouble however, against their enemies. While one would think it only natural that they slay these enemies with ease, the beasts of evil seemed to know the number of warriors after them, and this fact had...strengthened them. If only one had come here from parts unknown, the prime evils would have taken no note, but seven? Their forces had beefed up considerably, and on their own, the warriors were ill equipped for the challenge. Only the paladin, barbarian, sorceress, and amazon, of whom had formed small groups, were able to make some head way.

Fate, however, did not intend for these individuals to fight alone. And Fate would insure that they did not.

______

It was noon, and the sun glared down angrily at the fields of combat. The various individuals were fighting a losing battle. They all took repeated injuries and hadn't the means to heal them, after the paltry amount of healing salve had been used up. 

The amazon and sorceress had been fighting together, but had lost track of where the other was. Their combat technique involved them constantly backing away from the enemy to gain room. During one such time, the beasts had managed to come between them and forced them apart, forcing them to separate.

As it would happen, there were two groups of elite beasts, of even greater power and ability, and both the amazon and sorceress ran into a different group, and after some interesting amount of reorientation and backing up, they managed to actually bump into each other as they were pursued. 

"Sarah!" exclaimed the sorceress.

"Alisha!" exclaimed the amazon.

"What are you doing here?" they both asked each other simultaneously, as fire bolts and arrows (Sarah had managed to find a bow and a few quivers) sailed from them to their enemies. As Fate would also find it, the amazons target had stone like flesh that didn't respond to physical abuse, and the sorceress was aiming at a creature that had a specific resilience towards fire.

They both turned around at the same time to run, and were shocked to find that their planned escape route was blocked. The powerful zombies quickly surrounded them, leaving nowhere to escape. One of the beasts swung its rotting fist, knocking the sorceress to the ground. Another punched the amazon in the stomach, causing her to stumble back coughing for air, and promptly tripped over the sorceress. Sarah's foot caught on Alisha's ribs, and she screamed as the amazon came down on her.

------

A short distance from that point, the barbarian perked his head up at a high pitched noise. The paladin noticed it too. They looked at each other. The barbarian realized first what it was. "Alisha!" he yelled, then charged to where the sound came from. 

------

Further away, the druid, while meditating and waiting for his wound to stop bleeding, heard a scream and a yell in short order of each other. Wincing, he stumbled over to where the screams had originated.

------

Sarah had managed to roll off Alisha, but they were still in trouble. The sorceress had used the last of her mystical energy, and the amazon had broken the shoddy bow in her fall. "Brains..." informed many of the zombies repeatedly. Sarah climbed to her knees and grabbed an arrow, and attempted stabbing one of the zombies. It was her only weapon, after using up her javelins. The sorceress swung and made a feeble strike on another zombies side. The circle around them closed up even tighter, and the fire enchanted zombie raised his fist to smash it down into the sorceress skull. Alisha stared up at him, trying desperately to ward off the attack with her staff, when suddenly...

"Hrugh!" and the zombie was gone. Instead, now standing over them, was the huge barbarian, who had leapt from a short distance over and into the fray. The force of his landing had knocked the zombies back, and they seemed stunned at the sudden arrival. With another "Hrugh!" the barbarian stepped forward and bashed his axe into the fire enchanted corpse, sending him further back, into the others. We then turned around and attacked the zombies near the amazon, as they had already begun to awake from their shock. 

Conway charged into the fray, striking down one zombie and knocking another aside with his shield. He swung a low blow at another zombies knees, knocking him down. However, the undead was not so easily defeated, and flung a back punch at the paladin, knocking him down. The holy knight lay in shock as the skeleton rose to its feet and started to advance to him, but he was cut down very shortly something so quick that his eyes had trouble keeping up with it. 

The assassin had, with amazing speed, ran up, shoved one claw into the zombies throat, another claw into its gullet, disengages both claws while whirling around and had raised her elbow to crack the zombie underneath its chin. The flesh of the neck, being previously weakened by the recent stab, popped right off the shoulders and went skyward. "Get up, you look stupid sprawled out like that," snapped Raven, and turned to continue fighting. The paladin blinked for a moment. He seemed to have a warmth coming from his bowels. He wasn't sure if he was in love, or ashamed. Then he realized that he was just lying in a heap of burning quill rats and that their heat was what was warming him. He quickly got up and beat his back side to put out the small flames that had begun to catch on his leather pants, then rejoined the fray.

While the paladin was still determining his feelings, a voice called out "Greetings!" The owner of said voice was none other than Steven the Druid, limping along toward the group, lifting up his sword to attack. As he was about to engage in combat, a skull came hurling through the air and struck him directly in the forehead. He fell back, unconscious.

The barbarian stood over the remains of the Fire Unique, who's flame had been put out by his axe. He stood for a second to watch a head fly through the air and smash into the cranium of the woodsman. He was about to wonder if he should go give aid when another zombie lashed out and struck the barbarians throat Grunt fell backwards, clutching his neck, turning slightly purple. The paladin struck down the last zombie, the one that had fell his friend. 

"That didn't take long," said Raven, looking over he claws.

"Grunt!" called out Alisha, running to the giants side. "Tell me what's wrong?" she lifted his head in her hand gently, trying to find meaning in his purpling face. His facial features, originally supremely tight, began to slowly relax as the eyes grew clouded. 

The paladin began to silently pray as he walked over and tried to remember the few lessons he hadn't slept through involving medicine to try to help Grunt. Strangely, the others seemed to feel slightly more healthy as Conway performed his mental religious exercise. Their wounds slowed their bleeding and seemed to start to seal themselves. They seemed to almost give off a pale blue light. Unfortunately, and effect this phenomena gave the others was not strong enough to undue the damage dealt to Grunt, as the paladin soon realized when he didn't feel a pulse. He lifted his eyes the sorceress but did not know how to inform her.

--Meanwhile--

"Huh, look at this place," Larry murmured to his undead companion. He looked around himself, and gazed up at the decrepit fence that seemed to stretch a great distance in both directions. He stepped through a gab as his skeleton followed. An arrow sailed through the air and struck the sole minion, causing him to crumble to the ground. 

"Join my undead army!" called out a voice, and the Necromancer whirled around to see the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. The pale woman swathed in red garments noted the look on his face and eased off the tension in her bow, that she had aimed strait at his heart. She mentally demanded her zombies to keep from rambling forward. "What is wrong? Upset stomach?" she called out, wondering why she was bothering.

"Greetings, fair necromantiss!" called out Larry, bowing so deeply it looked ridiculous. It was rather lucky that he had bowed so low, for the sudden movement of him bowing at all caused the woman to unleash her arrow, and it sailed harmlessly above him. The archer had another arrow in place so fast that when Larry straitened, he noticed nothing different.

"I don't think I've ever seen a worse necromancer..." drawled Blood Raven slowly. Larry's ego stiffened.

"Well, er, your decent, I guess," said Larry, waving a hand at all the undead zombies that were starting to move again, "But my skills far surpass yours." Blood Raven answered this with a shrill laugh. Larry clenched his jaw and tightened his fist, and snarled, "Any corpse you can raise, i can raise stronger, I can raise ANYTHING better than you!"

"No you can't!" Blood Raven taunted 

"Yes I can!" yelled Larry, and summoned a skeleton from a corpse laying on the ground to do his bedding. The skeleton walked over to one of Blood Ravens zombies and they briefly duked it out. A few moments later, the skeleton stood victorious over the body of the zombie. Blood Raven turned to Larry with a nasty sneer.

"Anything you can raise, I can raise more of, I can raise anything more often than you!" she spat, gripping her bow tightly.

"No you can't," said Larry nervously.

"Yes I can!" she screamed, and another zombie rose from the ground. Doing some fast curse work, Larry summoned the corpse that his skeleton had slain (with a slight gasp from Blood Raven who murmured something about recycling) and one other from the ground. He tried to go for another but in doing so he allowed his first skeleton to collapse in a pile of bones as a new one stepped forward to replace it. The mighty and most powerful necromancer Larry was now only outnumbered three to one. And that wasn't including all the skeletons behind the fence he could just barely make out. Larry looked around, nervously, then, mustering his courage, made another challenge.

"Any golem you can raise, I can raise better. I can raise any golem better than you!" he shouted defiantly, a slight crack in his voice highly noticeable.

"No you...er...what's a golemn?" asked Blood Raven, faltering slightly. Proudly, Larry turned to an open patch of dirt and raised his bone wand, waving it dramatically. Nothing happened. He tried again, this time waving his bone wand violently and nearly decapitating one of his own skeletons, whom hissed angrily in warning. Nothing persisted in happening. A few grass blades swayed, a few grains of dirt rolled, and Larry was about to rejoice before he realized that it was only the wind.

"So a golemn is a dance, then, is it?" asked Blood Raven coolly from her position, raising her bow at him again. Larry stammered. 

--Meanwhile--

"Gaa!" screamed Warriv, leaping back as the barbarian appeared out of thin air. "Why do you people keep DOING that?" snapped the merchant, groping slightly at his heart.

"Keep doing what?" asked the barbarian, straitening. He looked around. "What am i doing back here?"

"That's what i was just asking you," growled Warriv. Grunt persisted in looking confused. 

"You mean to tell me I appear in town like magic?" said the barbarian, raising an eyebrow.

"More like an unexpected fart," explained Warriv, dusting himself off, "Usually unpleasant but often brings relief. Come on, I have to start up a fire before night fall. Hand me that big log over there, the one that looks like your head."

They soon had a roaring fire, and despite the fact that Warriv had plenty of what he called "marshmallows", the barbarian felt no desire nor delight in eating them. In fact, he hadn't eaten or drank anything since his arrival, outside of a few potions, and despite the day's hard work, he had no yearning for sleep. "What is this place?" he asked himself quietly, staring into the flames. He hadn't been there long when he saw a group of people approach.

"Alisha!" cried the barbarian, happily. Warriv looked up and saw five people walking towards them.

"Grunt?!?" cried a variety of voices, all with different tones of alarm, surprise, and pleasure.

"Thank goodness!" cried Warriv, happily

"You seem most happy to see us again," the paladin commented towards Warriv. 

"Oh, no, I'm just glad you guys didn't teleport in here like the big guy did," said Warriv, jerking a thumb towards Grunt, whom was beaming at and being beamed at by Alisha.

"LOL U @#$%^ N00B U GOT OWNED LOL!!" screamed the druid, causing everyone to wince at the sound.

"What's his deal?" asked Warriv.

"We don't know, he's been talking like that since he got hit in the head by a flying skull," informed the amazon.

"PLZ GIMMIE FREE ITMS IM POOR!!" yelled the druid, then repeated this message over and over until everyone, including the paladin and most of the NPCs, went hostile on him until he stopped.

"What did you mean when you said the barbarian teleported here?" asked the assassin, once Steven stopped earning her glares.

"I mean one second he wasn't there, one second he was. Want some marshmallows? They taste good with chocolate and these crackers I've also got here," Warriv said, demonstrating his roasting technique. The assassin shrugged, removed a marshmallow, stuck it on the edge of her claw, and held her hand over the fire as the others stared.

"Er, does anyone remember what happened before I got here?" asked Grunt. "I mean, before I teleported here."

"As far as we know, you were still out there when you died," replied Sarah, now roasting a marshmallow on the tip of one of her arrows.

"DIED?" shouted the barbarian, leaping to his feet.

"Yea," replied Raven, speaking loudly to be heard over the druid's renewed vigor for something called a SOJ. "You got killed, so we came back here to see about a funeral and will you SHUT UP!" this last part was barked towards the druid, who had come up to her asking about her A/S/L.

"STFU U @#$%# N00B!!!" barked the druid, clearly thinking that this was a cleaver come back.

"All right, that's it," snapped Raven raising her claws and preparing to attack. Her muscles tensed as sweat poured down her face, as she seemed to be concentrating all of her strength. The paladin yawned.

"Shouldn't you do something? Being a peace loving warrior and all?" Sarah asked the paladin.

"No worries," sighed Conway. "Just watch."

The assassin seemed to be chanting something under her breath. It slowly became louder and louder, until the others could here it. "Not in town. Not in town. Not in town," was now coming out of her in ragged breaths. 

Finally she sat down heavily on a log, which prompted the druid to screech, "LOL I ROXXOR JOO!!! PH34R MY 1337 SKILLZ"

"I think it's time we see if Akara can fix him up," stated the paladin, then rose up and dragged Steven by his pony tail over towards her tent. Surprisingly, the druid did not acknowledge in any way that this caused him and form of discomfort, as he continued to rant about his 1337 skillz. Raven got another marshmallow to replace the one she had lost when getting ready to beat the nonsense out of the druid. 

Only a few moment's later, the druid and the paladin were back.

"What happened?" asked Grunt, who had spent a lot of time starring into the flames.

"She threw us out," sighed Conway.

"Well, listen, I'm going to go look where my supposedly dead body is. Anyone coming with me?" asked the barbarian. Everyone agreed, as the assassin slowly ate the marshmallow off her wrist spike. The sorceress elbowed Grunt fiercely and told him to stop starring.

_________

"That's my body all right," sighed Grunt, looking down at the form laying at his feet. "It's strange, it's like...looking into an enchanted mirror." He reached down to touch his arm, when suddenly the corpse disappeared. Grunt leaped back in shock, as did all the others. The sudden disappearance of Late Grunt was one thing, but now On Time Grunt was clad in his former armor. "That's handy," murmured the barbarian, looking down.

"What kind of evil is this?" asked the paladin, wide eyed.

"The kind of evil I could get used to," replied the barbarian, hefting his sword and giving it a test swing.

"Does this mean we're all immortal?" asked Sarah. The druid looked around at the others. He seemed to have calmed down quite a bit, and looked almost like he was asking permission to speak, as though he knew something of what was happening.

Conway walked over to him, ripped the duck tape off Steven's mouth, and asked, "What is it?"

"WUG 4 TRA..." the ending of whatever started with "TRA" may never be known, for the paladin quickly slapped the tape back down on Steven's mouth.

"Where did you get that stuff anyway?" asked Alisha.

"Computer Glitch, don't ask," replied Conway. 

There was a sudden movement, as a zombie that had survived the previous onslaught stumbled into the area. It roared and charged towards the druid. Out of sheer reflex, Sarah the amazon drew an arrow and fired, as the sorceress launched a fire bolt for the same reason.

The arrow sailed through the air, slicing through the barbarian and the druid before striking the undead behind them. Meanwhile, Alisha's fire bolt scorched right through the paladin's shield and chest, bashed into the amazon's arrow mid-flight, and set a second zombie alight.

The paladin whipped around and hacked at the two zombies, again and again, zealously rendering them limb from limb. As his sword flashed through the air, Grunt sailed through the air and landed behind the zombies, knocking them forward towards the paladin's whirling blade. The amazon let loose another arrow that passed through Conway's head, missed both zombies, and flew into the barbarians eyeball. He seemed to almost not to notice as the arrow kept going, without a drop of blood on it.

While the amazon stood staring, Raven charged up and stabbed one zombie in the gut with her short but powerful claws. As she did so, the undead's head snapped back as though struck in the face. She pulled her claw out and tried again, and once more, the zombie reacted with his head snapping back. She didn't have time to further test this occurrence, as both zombies finally fell completely dead.

The paladin turned and looked at the amazon over his shoulder, and called out, "Nice shootin' Tex!"

"Why weren't you affected by that arrow?" asked Raven. "You can't be so holy as to have projectiles slide through you."

"Uhh...I dunno. I assumed it was something Sarah did," replied the paladin, shrugging.

"No, I have no idea why that didn't affect you!" the amazon insisted earnestly. 

"Right, well, pardon me if I don't complain much," waved Conway.

"I see he doesn't call it evil if something handy happens to himself," muttered Grunt.

"Say wha?" asked Conway, turning to look at the barbarian.

"I said, let's go back to the encampment," Grunt said loudly, causing the assassin to smirk.

_________

"I don't know why I'm not hungry," Sarah told Warriv. Warriv nodded, then tried passing the bag of marshmallows to the paladin.

"I'm not hungry either. In fact, I don't think I've had any water today either, I should be dyeing of thirst..."

"I'm normally able to eat a snow camel after a wedding feast, but I have no hunger now," added Grunt, toying with his roasting stick. The only one who seemed to have more than an experimental interest in Warriv's candied blocks was the druid, who was stuffing them into his mouth manically.

"I wonder why he's so starved when the rest of us are fine?" the sorceress asked, mostly to herself.

"I'm not complaining," replied Raven. "It keeps him from talking so much." Steven looked up and smiled at them all broadly, exposing the puffs of marshmallows stuck in his teeth. Raven snorted, then leaned back and stared at the horizon, watching the sun gently lower its self behind the mountains. She tilted her head to get an upside down view of the inky blackness of infinity slowly revealing itself behind her, and noticed a pale individual walking into the camp.

"Hey, it's the wimp!" Raven exclaimed, climbing to her feet and going over to greet/harass the necromancer. The others got up and followed her.

"Oh, uh...hey guys," said Larry, wincing. He had been wincing quite a bit, actually, with every step. This time however it seemed more that he was wincing because he had been caught doing something.

"Where have you been?" asked Conway, not really caring.

"Oh, you know, around," said Larry, vaguely gesturing the world in general. Larry was spared any further explanations as Kashya walked up to them and looked as though she had something important to say.

"'Sup?" Sarah asked Kashya, not expecting anything to be.

"My Rogue scouts have just reported an abomination in the Monastery Graveyard!" Kashya barked. Sarah leapt back, afraid Kashya would bite.

"Er, yes, I'm aware," informed Larry.

"Huh? How did you find out before we did?" Kashya asked.

"Um, no reason," lied Larry, wincing once more. He shouldn't have said anything, he should have walked sidewise away while Kashya informed the others...

"Are you...feeling all right?" Alisha asked, taking a step towards him.

"Perfectly fine," Larry lied, taking a matching step back. Raven cocked an eyebrow, took four steps before Larry noticed she had moved, grabbed the necromancer by the shoulders and spun him around. The sound of muffled laughter instantly filled the air, as Larry whipped his head around and shouted "Hey! It isn't funny!"

"You're right," Conway called out as Larry minced away in shame. "It's friggin' HILLARIOUS!"

"How did he get an arrow shot up his..." Sarah's question was interrupted as she continued laughing, causing the others to crack up as well.

Larry's continued crys of "IT ISN'T FUNNY!" issuing from Akara's tent only enhanced their near asphyxiation, especially when they realized he was speaking to the rogue witch.

After finally calming down enough to act normal, the paladin pulled a sword out of his pack and walked over to a chest. "Where did you find that thing?" called out the barbarian.

"Meh, it was laying on the ground," Conway responded, as he kicked open the chest Warriv had informed him and the others they could use and stuck it inside.

"Hey, I've got something to put in there too," the sorceress said, just as Conway closed the lid. She jogged up, opened it herself, and was dumping in some gold coins when she paused, frowned, and asked, "Where did that sword you just put in go?"

"What?" asked Conway, looking over her shoulder. "Hey, it's gone!"

The barbarian went over and looked into it himself, and exclaimed, "Where are all the marshmallows I stashed?"

"I didn't see any marshmallows when I put my sword in" replied Conway, who began feeling the edges of the crate like object to see if there was any kind of hole or trap door. The only abnormality was that the bottom of the chest seem to go down past the ground. He sighed, disgusted, and flipped the lid down. 

Grunt shoved past Conway and opened the chest again, peered in for a second, reached down, pulled out a bag and said, "Here they are, they're right where I left them."

"But now where's my gold?" snapped Alisha, snatching away Grunt's bag and searching it for her coins.

"Idiot," commented Larry, limping over. Grunt growled, and Larry shrugged and walked off.

"Hey wait a second, you know something don't you?" Conway called over to the necromancer, only barely holding back gasps of laughter at seeing the bandaging covering Larry's backside.

Larry sighed, then whipped around and said, "It's a relatively complex enchantment, but it's somewhat common. A container is enchanted to hold more than it could normally, and can hold items for different people specifically by using a magical stasis field to incorporate..."

"I'm going to have to take a point from Steven and ask WTF?" Grunt informed, cutting Larry off from using any more big words.

The necromancer sighed and said, "Box hold stuff. I not reach your stuff. You not reach my stuff. Me happy. You understand?"

"Ah, I see," said Grunt, stroking his chin. "But can you provide a more technical answer? You know, like how exactly does it work?" Larry's eyes went slightly wide, before he turned around a stood by the campfire, looking morosely at the sitting logs.

"I think he may be right," said Alisha, closing the lid and opening it again. "See? Now my gold coins are back!"

"Now I think I get it!" said Grunt, stroking his chin again. "This chest takes advantage of nanolith technology to immediately deconstruct and reconstruct any item placed in it, corresponding to the saved information it has stored about whomever opens the chest. The molecules are stored in suspended animation, preserving them exactly in the state they were put inside of the chest. Theoretically, a pair of identical twins would have to share this chest because their DNA would be so similar as to make no ends difference, thus..." Grunt continued explaining all the particulars of the chest as Larry stared in open mouth disbelief. Larry quickly started scribbling a message to be sent back to his temple to find out if anybody had been leaking information.

Conway, meanwhile, was crouched down examining a small bug on a twig. He looked up at Grunt once he was finished and asked, "I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. What were we talking about?"

_____

The group of seven sat, or in the case of Larry, stood around the campfire that night, none of them feeling the slightest urge to sleep. They somehow felt they could have continued, fighting in the wilderness, and the facts were on their side. All of them, even the bound and gagged Steven, seemed to radiate a light, sending their immediate surroundings into sharp relief. How had they come here? Why were they here? And why did strange things keep happening? Sarah fingered her bow, wondering how her arrow had penetrated the paladin without harming him. She glanced in his direction, wondering if he was thinking the same thing she was.

He wasn't. Conway was busy thinking about the starting season of the Sanctuary Football League and trying to figure out who his Fantasy Football picks were going to be. 

As they stared into the fire, the night drifting around them, they finally entered an almost sleeplike state; perhaps it was the sheer monotony. Even Steven had stopped trying to talk ravens into untying him. They were snapped out of this deep funk as they heard a rooster crow, greeting the morning sun.

Steven, quickly realizing that the morning due was covering him, immediately began jerking at the knots, trying to use the thin layer of water covering his arms to help slid the bonds off. Raven rubbed her eyes and began walking towards the gate of the Rogue Encampment, quickly realizing it wasn't there. She whirled around and called out, "The door's gone!"

"Huh?" Grunt asked, getting up and going over to look. The hole in the wall had indeed vanished.

"Ah, it's over there today!" Warriv called down from the top of his wagon, pointing north. Conway looked over in that direction incredulously. Indeed, a gate had appeared where there wasn't one before. Raven shrugged, and jogged over to the gate and left, stretching out her legs. She came back looking infuriated.

"Everything's different!" she shouted, before Larry had a chance to offer a sarcastic comment.

"As far as what?" asked Sarah, polishing her bow with a buff cloth.

"I mean the landscape has changed! The rivers have redirected, the trees are all different, and there are now a fresh supply of live zombies right outside town!" At this last comment in Raven's outburst, Kashya ordered two guards to the gate to make sure none of the zombies walked in.

The six others looked around each other, then went up to investigate. It was quite evident that none of the land was familiar. "We do not stand a chance out here. How can we survive in a world that mutates around us?" asked Grunt to no one.

"Anything we kill is back on their feet the next morning," exclaimed Sarah in alarm.

"There must be some kind of powerful magic over this land," Larry mumbled in awe. "I've only heard of it in one other place, in Tristram, they set up something similar in the bowls of a cathedral..." the necromancer rambled off.

"It is apparent that we are facing something that we have never known before," Conway intoned. "If any of us are to survive, we must stand together. Whatever force pulled Grunt from death's grasp may not be reliable." The paladin turned to face the others, drew his sword, and stuck it out at arms length. "It is in all of our best interests if we combine our strength. Who among us will band together?"

Grunt and Sarah immediately stepped forward, and put their axe and bow (respectively) on top of Conway's sword. Raven shrugged, said, "Well, mission parameters don't exactly forbid temporary alliances, so why not?" and added her claw to the growing pile. Alisha placed her staff gingerly on top of the others, wondering if this was a terribly good idea. 

Steven finally managed to free himself of the various ropes and shouted, "NVITE PLZ INVITE ME PLZ!!" about three times, before Conway shouted over him that he was invited if he would stop shouting. Steven immediately shouted. "OK" and placed his club on top of the staff.

"Hey, if nothing else, you guys will make nice minions once you immediately get killed," chimed in Larry, placing his bone wand on top of the club.

"Then it begins!" shouted Conway powerfully, so powerfully he inadvertently activated one of the aura's he didn't really know how to use yet and instantly scorched his companions, causing them to jump back.

"Tell you what," said Larry, rubbing his shoulder as Sarah frowned at her severed bow string. "We'll let you join us if you never do that again."


End file.
